By: Samantha Shinewald
In the lead up to camp, we all spend so much time making lists… things we have, things we need, things the kids want (but don’t actually need). From underwear and toothbrushes to a penguin onesie for a special event, somehow it’s all on the list! The golden rule of packing that duffel is “leave nothing to chance.” So, camp says 3 bathing suits, better make it 5! All along, we are trying to convince ourselves that our kid will be OK, and if it means another run to Target the night before the bus leaves – so be it! Then, once the bus pulls away, and the bags (and kids!) are gone, how do we really know how they’re doing?
The rational part of our brain can reason through it…
- My kid was super excited
- My kid is very independent/capable and we prepared them for this!
- I trust the camp I’ve chosen and feel confident that the camps leadership team will take care of my child
And for many of us…
- I will be receiving pictures of my kid getting off the bus, being hugged by old friends and counselors — by 9pm tonight!
But, what if your camp doesn’t post pictures?? It may be hard to believe, but even now, in 2023, in this crazy world of instant-gratification, where we can be notified in real time that our sushi order has been picked up by Uber-eats and watch as it takes 15 wrong turns to get to our house, that some camps choose not to post any pictures all summer – and taking it a step further, that many parents actually choose these camps. That’s right, the same people that track their sushi order, are intentionally not “tracking” their kids’ experience over the 7 weeks that they are at camp. Fun fact: I am one of these people!
So how do I know that my kid is ok?? Controversial opinion: I don’t know… but, maybe I wouldn’t know even if I were receiving pictures!
As many of us know, a day at camp is equivalent to a month in the real world. The best friend that you walked to breakfast with, may side with another kid about whether the original, or the remake of Parent Trap is the better version. In a mere moment of loneliness, three new kids might befriend you and by shower hour you’ll be reciting lines from Mean Girls with an entirely different crew. Over the course of the day, they will have ups and downs. But, which part of this day will be captured for parental consumption? Being in touch with so many parents, I hear things like, “I think my kid is having a tough day”, “Why is my kid wearing someone else’s sneakers?” and “I can’t believe my kid is at arts & crafts again!!!” We dissect the pictures and examine the moment, but do any of these pictures truly convey how a kid is really doing at camp??
As a non-photo receiving parent, I have 2 methods of determining how my kid is doing:
- My good old reliable, USPS mail carrier, who thoughtfully places my camper’s letters on rainbow stationery atop my pile of catalogs, bringing me news every couple of days
- Camp directors/head counselors that I trust will reach out to me if a problem arises, or that I feel comfortable reaching out to when I need a little reassurance
And, while a letter from my child or the feedback of a camp director are not happening in real time, at least neither are my interpretation of what’s going on!
When it comes down to it, the thing that I remind myself of throughout the summer is that my child’s camp experience actually isn’t meant for my eyes, or my interpretation. Camp is her place… and if she wants to borrow her friend’s bathing suit (ew!), then really, does she need to hear from me (200 miles away), that I don’t think she should? I am sending her to camp to make many of exactly those types of inconsequential decisions. Camp is designed to allow kids the opportunity to independently decide how they want to present themselves, and spend their free time, in a totally controlled and highly supervised environment. And by sending her to camp (and especially one that does not have pictures), I am telling her that I trust her to make these decisions on her own, and to navigate her world thoughtfully, and with the problem solving tools that she has spent the prior 10 months harvesting.